I read a post a few weeks ago on Imposter Syndrome and it really resonated with me. I’ve turned the idea over and over in my head, realizing how much it has affected me throughout my entire life.
I have never fit any cookie-cutter mold or stereotype. I am too weird for the cool kids, but too cool for the weird kids. I am too preppy for the country kids, but too rough for the preppy kids. I grew up too rich for the poor kids, but I am too poor for the rich kids. I am a dancer, but not the best and don’t fit in with most in-crowds of dancers. I may have been one of the top students in my high school, but once in college, I realized I didn’t have AP classes like the rest of my private school classmates. I am an Honors “nerd,” but I don’t spend much time worrying about homework or GPA. As a business student, I have an extensive resume, but I don’t have much internship experience. I may be fit, but I still don’t have the typical “fit” body or strength. I love encouraging body positivity and empowerment, but I still struggle with body image. I like to have fun and party, but I also enjoy not drinking or going out. Although I am an introvert, I am often around people, convincing most that I am an extrovert.
Despite being aware of my uniqueness, I have always struggled to convince people otherwise. This has greatly increased my emotional intelligence, thus making it easy to manipulate my circumstances or peers to “fit in.” That being said, I often feel like an imposter. One slight carelessness of my tongue and someone could figure out I’m not exactly how they think I am. This has led to great insecurities that are often hard to admit without feeling even more like an imposter. It’s cyclical and difficult to overcome.
Still, after considering this concept for a few weeks, I think I truly am on my way towards being confident in my own skin and not trying to be someone that I’m not.
I am slowly learning to accept that I am nothing like most other people. I can honestly say that I don’t have one friend that relates to both my values and behaviors. As a result, I’ve gotten very comfortable living life alone. For some reason, this makes others extremely uncomfortable. I’m always asked why I do what I do (usually with not-so-subtle judgment), but I no longer feel obligated to explain myself. I am able to accomplish more goals on a daily basis than I ever thought possible, and I am not seeking others’ opinions or validations on my life. It’s taken a long time to love myself, and I’ll be damned if I ever need others to love me too.
Yeah, I’m weird, but I’m sure as hell not boring. I’m kicking life’s ass, and I love waking up every day excited and going to bed even more excited for the next day. There have been times that Imposter Syndrome has made me try desperately to impress others, but I’m done being pretentious. I am unapologetically me, and I can only hope that one day, you will be too.