- Let go of judgment and toxic relationships
- Create more time for deeper relationships with myself and others
To do this, I’m continuing to declare this year as the year of BOUNDARIES.
If you haven’t already listened to my second CHAARG podcast interview from January, go listen now, please and danke schoen!
I began seeing my therapist last summer, and she has constantly encouraged me to set more boundaries in all areas of my life. #Boundaries2019 seemed like a great idea, but gah DAMN I did not expect it to be so difficult!
I Will Not Settle
When my therapist said to me recently, “Do you hear yourself right now?” I knew she was about to DRAG my ass.
“You expect excellence in all aspects of your life, so why are you settling?”
WHEW. That one shook me to the core, and I’ll continue to share that with every person I know, whether it’s my best friend or a random girl in line for the bathroom at the club, because we all need to stop settling for the bare minimum.
I’m realizing that when I “settle” (lowering my expectations to avoid confrontational boundaries) I’m probably unaware I’m even doing it. I’m making decisions based on my fears instead of my needs or goals.
“I’ll do this because I’m afraid if I don’t, XYZ-worst-case-scenario will happen. If I settle for mediocrity, at least I won’t have to keep searching for the unknown fantasy unicorn that seems to only exist in the new Lucky Charms.”
(If you didn’t buy Lucky Charms for St. Patrick’s Day, I’m sorry for you. It’s not too late — they still have special unicorn charms right now.)
I’m often unknowingly settling to avoid seemingly catastrophic situations — *insert anxious af thoughts* — not thinking that if I settle personally or professionally, I risk eventually losing my cool with boredom, frustration, or burnout.
I Will Not Fear Judgment
I’ve always had trouble ending toxic relationships because of my fear of judgment. If I say no, will people think I’m self-centered or high maintenance? Then when I first started to lay down boundaries in all of my personal relationships, many were not met warmly. I was judged for being exactly as I feared — self-centered and high maintenance. However, my healthy relationships and my therapist assured me that I was absolutely not, and I deserved every boundary.
What’s been different for me this year is my ability to manage those conversations with an improved sense of self-worth. I’ve cut back on my side hustles to spend more time focusing on self-care, with more nights in to read, write (I’ve officially started my second book AHHH!), cook, and bake. I’m allowing myself more time to dance, both at the studio and the club, because damnit, I love dancing!
I’m encouraging myself to say “no” more. If it’s not a hell yes, then it’s a hell no.
And when others tell me no (WOOF I’ve received many no’s this year already!!!), it doesn’t destroy me. My self-worth is not based on others, and I remind myself that this just wasn’t the opportunity for me to be my best self. Manifesting my dreams takes patience and not settling for the first opportunity that arises. I’m not rattled to the core the way I once would have been.
I’m doing me, and it’s not my responsibility to do someone else, too. I have a whole lot of love to give, and I deserve to focus my energy where it will be reciprocated. With family, friendships, partners, and work, I give my best, and I deserve the same in return.
I Will Be My Authentic Self
Over the last couple of years, I’ve struggled with defining a ~personal brand~ and maintaining my own sanity. I’m realizing that a personal brand is really just compartmentalizing myself so it’s easier for others to understand. It’s doing the emotional labor of making myself easier for others to digest, and I’m honestly over it.
Yeah, I’ve got my elevator pitch down for a few different audiences but really, I’m a complicated person with deep passions for many things that are always changing. I don’t easily fit into conventional boxes, and I love that. I’m unique with many different talents, and not many people will ever understand me, but that’s the beauty of boundaries. No one has to. I can be my deeply emotional, creative, thoughtful, bold, brilliant, and beautiful self with no explanation to anyone else. I can be loved without explanation because I love me.
And as I’ve learned with my curiosity in astrology, I’m utterly bored with anyone that is emotionally unavailable. While many people numb their feelings, I love deep, intense feelings that keep me yearning for another day to work towards my goals. You don’t? K I’m bored byeee sorry!
Here’s to another season of letting of my fears to be my most authentic self, one day at a time. I’m doing the inner “work” to make space for deeper relationships and more meaningful projects.
So, how can you let go of your fears to be your more authentic self? How are you allowing space for deeper relationships with yourself and others? I hope that you remember you are always worth the boundaries.